Before I became a mother, I along with with many other single women were always looked upon as having disposable income and disposable time. It was easy for those whom loved us to see our time as less valuable. Our time wasn’t being filled with changing diapers, feeding babies and maintaining a household. The concept of having uninterrupted sleep being a luxury was foreign to me ( that’s obviously changed).
Family members and even close friends didn’t hesitate to look to the single women in their close circle to make it happen. Although not mothers they were often expected to take on the mothering of the tribe. “Why not-she ain’t got no kids, no man and no real bills-not like us”, this is a reoccurring sentiment I’ve heard throughout the years. I remember having conversations with other childless women whom often experienced the same response from those they love the most.
Fast forward years later and now I’m that mom whom looks forward to uninterrupted sleep. I find creative ways to get all that needs to get done in a timely manner all the while being mindful of how repetitive daily and weekly obligations become.
As an older first time mom I’ve happily fallen into a routine that consist of caring for my infant son.
However, I’m also well aware of the importance of recognizing the value of my time and finding small ways to still fit in me time. I’m also trying to be aware of the time of others. It’s important for me to not fall into the same thinking those had of me back when I wasn’t a mother. Now more than ever it’s important for all women, with children or without, to still carve out time for themselves.
It truly is a balancing act: there’s a certain level of community that’s needed to get shit done. I know my own support system has helped me in more ways than I can count and I in turn have helped them.
With all that being said: it’s okay to have time squarely set just for oneself whether you’re a mother or not. Both kinds of women deserve to have their time and resources honored without judgment.
You want to sleep in all day? Go for it! You’re taking an unplanned trip? Go for it! Indulging in really good wine? Go for it! Ordering dessert before your entree? Go for it! Taking a day off of work for no other reason than to binge watch your favorite show? Go for it! And do so without apologizing or explanation.
You’re worthy of that and more. What are you doing for you, whether you’re a mom or not? I’d love to learn more about how you’re managing sense of self while still being there for your tribe.
5 thoughts on “Mothering of the Tribe”
Love this !!! I will never forget how you took my kids to go play at the playground and gave me a much needed break after being so overwhelmed. It really takes a village and us moms also need to say yes when someone that you trust offers their time so you can get a break. I don’t remember what I did for that time but I do know that it was very needed. It takes a whole tribe. Mental health is very important and as a mother is very easy for me to put the needs of my family before my own.
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Yes it does take a tribe! Offering to help that morning felt like the most natural thing to do.
Thank you for making it clear that both women deserve that special time with themselves and for themselves without apology. Great read.
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Awwww thank you! Yes, it’s important to honor all women with the many roles they play within a tribe. 🌟